I miss Grandma....

I was reflecting back on the past 6 years of my life the other day when Emily came out of her room with tears rolling down her face. I asked her what the matter was, to which she replied, "I miss Grandma" This brought back a flood of memories- and the sources of her words:

A long time ago, when Emily was little, and I lived in Moscow- we had some pretty teary moments- (and if any of you have seen how much I have cried in the past 4 years- just multiply that by like 10000 and you will have an idea of our teary moments) There was a lot going on in our lives then- I was in school full time, had a 2 year old and a newborn baby. This was also the time that my marriage was literally being torn to shreds. So it was during these moments of tears and frustration that my precocious little girl would come up and say, "I love you mommy, why are you crying?" Now at this moment I had two choices- I could say something I would later regret that would create a level of conflict for her on how she saw both of her parents- or I could give her a partial truth- something to fill the curiosity. With this understanding I simply chose to say, "I just miss Grandma" She took this explanation- and from that point on whenever someone would cry she would ask, "Do you miss Grandma too?"

Over the past 4 1/2 years, "I miss Grandma" has become a code for many things- for sad tears, happy tears, general sadness, and those moments when you can't really describe how you feel- but you just know you are lacking something. The general lacking of something- in all of our lives- I honestly believe to be Grandma. You see, Grandma has always been there with a shoulder and a word of advice, she has the magic touch to make any "ouchie" better. She would do the seemingly impossible to help- even driving the winding roads of the Salmon River in the dark with a screaming infant in the backseat and a daughter who is beyond shock in the passenger seat if that is what needs done. Grandma is the one I aspire to be like- and who I see modeled in my children's play.

Every now and again we all have those days where we just want our "Grandma's" also known as Mom. Today is one of those days for me. I miss my Mom, and really wish I could be at her house- enjoying the little conversations, and to be there to hold her hand when she needs it. I don't really know when the change happened from having a parent/child relationship to that of friends- but I am grateful everyday for the Friend I have in my Mom. I love you Mom!!