Life's Lessons

(Disclaimer: This post may be a little emotional/intense/possibly offensive to some.... but its truth, as I see it...it is how I honestly feel...and what I have learned...getting it out there is just one more way to survive- one day at a time)

Life has a funny way of teaching you things. Sometimes these lessons come when you least expect them, sometimes they are taught through fun.... but most of the time I think life's lessons are learned the hard way. Life plays out so differently than we could have ever imagined- I remember growing up, I was never really the type to dream about my wedding (I remember my cousins all had "their" temples picked out...and I was just trying to survive the family reunion...) but I knew, that marriage for me- was going to be forever- I would marry and be with the same man my entire life- well for eternity really. My children would be raised in a good home- a two-parent home- where they could get priesthood blessings when they needed it. They would learn good work ethic, and respect, and they would be happy. I will admit now that I was naive when I thought I knew what my forever would be when I was between 16 and 18 years old. I didn't know that at 18.5 that would change, and I would get married at 19- even though my previous strict plan was a mission...then marriage- (you see before that time I did have it planned- or at least the guy, the time frame, and one of 100 places). From this I learned: Plans change. 

I have 2 of the most amazing kids in the world. It’s not a biased opinion- it is fact. They love each other, they know how to work, they know how to have fun, they are friends, they respect others, (most of the time...they aren't perfect you know) and they are happy. In this part of my life plan- I am not doing too shabby!! But there are things that I never imagined my children would be exposed to. Things like Pornography and Domestic Violence were never topics that had entered my life, thoughts, or visions of what my future would hold. At this point in my life I find myself re-thinking what I need to teach my children. Yes, teaching them all of the things I imagined would make them good people when I was 17 still apply- but now I am realizing I need to teach them more. 

For instance, I need to teach Caleb and Emily both how sacred our bodies are. That they are temples- they are gifts from God. I need to teach Caleb how much of a responsibility he will have to make sure to always treat women with respect, to encourage them to be modest, to keep his thoughts, words, and actions clean. I need to teach Emily what a responsibility she has- to protect her virtue- and to help guard and protect the virtue of others by dressing modestly and keeping her language clean. I need to be upfront with Caleb and Emily alike so that they know how damaging pornography can be- not only to your own spirit and soul- but also to those that you love and who love you dearly. 

I need to teach my children about emotions, not just about happiness and sadness. I need to teach them about anger- and how to keep theirs in check. I need to teach them that hitting things and breaking things to intimidate are not ok. I need to teach them about harmony in the home- how to communicate and solve problems. How to be flexible with all of the curve balls life throws your way. I need to teach them that it is ok to feel angry- or upset or any of the myriads of emotions, but that taking these emotions out on objects, emotions of others, or even others is not ever acceptable. 

I was thinking the other day about decades, and my past decade. In those 10 years, I have had 2 failed marriages, been introduced to the effects of Pornography and Anger issues. I have also had 2 amazing children, and graduated from college 2 times (see there are always positives). I would never go back and change the past 10 years of my life. I have learned lessons that I never would have imagined learning if I had stuck with my original plan...Some days I wish I could go back and be that naive 17 year old again making plans for a different life- to give my kids a chance at the type of home they deserve. But then late at night I realize- this life, this world, is not going to get any better- in fact, it is only going to get worse- and by living through life's little huge curve-balls I have experienced two things that will be ever more invasive in my children's lives as well as society as a whole. And hopefully- this will help me raise them to be strong enough to stay away from them, and wiser than I ever was when making life's big decisions. 

Life sure does have its ups and downs- its bends and twists. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have been greatly blessed. Blessed to learn lessons that will help me be a better mother, and person. I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me so much, that He lets me learn these lessons but always ALWAYS is watching over me with hidden blessings, with wonderful friends and family, and that He will always be here to help, when ever I may need it. For this I am truly grateful. Knowing this, and the fact that if I do what I should, and life righteously that things will work out in the end, makes life's curves worth it.